when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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