after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
