your parents love me but you hate me
I faked an abortion last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
