Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
