Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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