He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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