She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
