Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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