We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
