As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
