The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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