the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
