haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
