all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
