: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
