i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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