can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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