they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize