I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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