Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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