You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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