He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
