you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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