I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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