If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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