We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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