I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
