I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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