How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
