Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
