I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
