Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
