just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
