This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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