hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
