He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
