my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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