hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
