it was like having sex with a tree stump
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
