i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
