I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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