Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
