you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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