How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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