my mouth tastes like poor choices
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
worst night to have a conscience
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
