Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
