You're my little dorito
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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