Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
