I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
