Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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