If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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