Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
