id be glad to
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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