no, he came in my armpit
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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