"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
only if we run a train.
done.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
