What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
