Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
