i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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