I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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