Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
