this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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