TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
