So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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